It’s Good to Have Haters (Once in a While)

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 Stef dela Cruz 10 Comments

Haters are every person’s bane. Haters stalk you online, post anonymous comments on your Facebook page or blog that are rude or sarcastic, and become a source of annoyance. But having haters is not always a bad thing. In fact, it may be good to have haters once in a while.

Always remember that hatred is not the opposite of love and admiration; indifference is. So, if someone hates you, it means they feel strongly for you and their hatred may just be a form of defense mechanism called reaction formation.

Haters: An Example of “Reaction Formation”

In reaction formation, when a person knows he admires or envies you but he can’t handle that fact, he develops the exact opposite reaction of what he really feels. The typical example of reaction formation is a spiritual person who happens to be a pedophile: although he loves children (in a sick sense), he knows it’s wrong, so he forms a reaction and overtly starts hating pedophilia instead. He may even go to the extent of joining rallies against known pedophiles or lobbying for a heavier punishment for pedophiles… despite the fact that he is one.

Haters

So, if you have haters, they are most probably people who have one defense mechanism in common: reaction formation. They secretly envy and admire you but they can’t live with it.

Haters: Why It’s Good To Have Them

We should avoid fights and arguments, acting as peacemakers whenever possible; however, we can never avoid having haters if we are in the public eye. As explained above, haters are a mutated form of fans – and they will always be part of the package.

Do not fret; having haters can actually be a good thing! Here are a few reasons why it’s good to have haters once in a while.

  • Haters are mirrors that show the mistakes you might have overlooked. Having a busy life, even when it is dedicated to noble causes, may distract you from noticing some of your mistakes. Haters are one of the first people to point these mistakes out, serving as a sort of moral checkpoint. And yes, we all need those checkpoints.
  • Haters are fans, in a twisted way. A normal person who hates a public figure will not go out of his way nor spend extra time just to stalk or annoy his object of hatred. An admirer-turned-hater, on the other hand, will do exactly that. Haters usually obsess about the person they hate. Their worlds may revolve around the person they so hate – and really, isn’t that a little flattering? Read on for more.
  • Haters give your life more spice. Can you imagine how boring your life would be if all you have are loving admirers and friends? Haters give life to your social networks and websites. They post such snarky remarks that get other people to react, post, and repost what happened. And before you know it, your haters have helped make you even more popular.
  • Haters bring out your true admirers. Whenever a hater attacks a public figure, admirers and friends come to the rescue. Where there is hatred, love also springs forth. It’s the yin and yang of social politics!

So, if you have haters (or “frenemies” who act like friends but hate on you when your back is turned), don’t be upset. Some people can’t help but obsess about you, even if it’s in a twisted way. Don’t let it get to you. Let the obsession (and the envy or the hatred) lie in their hands, not yours. And if you do get hateful comments on Twitter, Facebook, or your blog, here are useful tips on how to handle negative comments.

Be flattered that your haters are following your every move! Believe me, haters may be doing you a great service. Speaking of which, feel free to visit my Facebook page (whether you’re an admirer or a hater). And feel free to share your “hater” experience below!

Stef dela CruzAbout the blogger
Stef dela Cruz is a doctor and writer. She received the 2013 Award for Health Media from the Department of Health. She maintains a health column in Health.Care Magazine and contributes to The Manila Bulletin. Add her to your circles.

10 comments:

  1. Haters gonna hate... hahaha :)

    I have a "hater" before who pretended to be an NBI agent and threatened to take it down.

    I assume he was one of the peeps who's dreams were shattered upon reading that the Bourne Legacy shoot was cancelled.

    Haven't heard from him ever since hahaha :)

    Great post Stef! :)Keep it up!

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  2. i just had a 'FRENEMY' lately.:))It takes one to be a tough cookie to have them because you really don't know what's on their mind about you. Well, what I did now is just let her be what she wanted to do. I have nothing against her besides it's a waste of time for me.

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  3. I got my first negative comment in my blog just a few days ago from of course an anonymous hater, at first I really felt bad. After reading it I told myself I will not comment back until my annoyance is gone which is good.. Hehe. I do realize too that anonymous has a point he just chose the wrong words, he mentioned something like my commentors are giving me "false praises". Hmmm but I learned something from it and that's what's important.

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  4. Yep, having haters can't be all that bad. They'll be in agony, but you don't have to be! ;)

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  5. Haters are mirrors that show the mistakes you might have overlooked- very true. one mistakes and they'll raise hell,lol
    Haters are fans, in a twisted way- they probably are fan because they keep staling you
    Haters give your life more spice- I can relate here.
    Haters bring out your true admirers- I remember back in Qatar, when I was still one of the admins of the biggest Filipino group site .I have lots of haters who attacks below the belt.I don't have to defend myself coz there are lots who did it.they just told me to keep quiet and they'll handle it.

    And because of the haters, i got a lot of friends who loves me and consider me their mother ,sister,friend. thank you haters!

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  6. I hate you for posting this hahaha, I love my haters that is why, I am now using my real name in every social media flatform, because they are always chasing me, hahaha again, and you've got another visitor just to read my comments here. Anyway you can google my name and find me on LinkedIN, Twitter, Facebook, Google Plus, MySpace, and you can visit my personal website www.fRanCismoRilao.com :), but really i love the way you presented this post. See you!

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  7. I have one!
    She stalks me all over the web, but by doing so, she actually boosts my blog stats! Haha!
    A giveaway sponsor even found my blog through her, lol! :)

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  8. Oo nga naman. Mga haters na nageeffort, mya bahid na obsession na rin sila, sa effort pa talagang magcomment at magpoint out.

    :)

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  9. Well, we all have haters, i think. what's important eh wag magpaapekto sa kanila:)

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  10. I once had a critic, but I still haven't had a hater both online and IRL. True, it's boring without one.

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