5 Weird Reasons Google Search and Lovers are Alike

Wednesday, March 14, 2012 Stef dela Cruz 1 Comments

Yes, you got that right: Google is just like your spouse. It can get moody, it can throw a tantrum, and it can give you part of its earnings, just like a spouse would. This notion hit me after reviewing scripts for the Google +1 button. Read on to find out why using Google is just like getting married.


  • Google has mood swings. Google may like you today, but tomorrow is a different story. Does Google love your website or blog right now? Maybe you’ve followed its guidelines to the letter. But tomorrow, it can change its standards altogether and penalize you for things it has awarded you for in the past. (Recall what happened to websites who “got ahead” by using black hat SEO years ago.)
  • Google will break up with you if you are caught red-handed… or maybe not. If you do something that Google finds absolutely horrible, it might drop you from its index and search results altogether. Or, if you’re lucky, you just get a slap on the wrist – but you better make up for your mistakes or you get kicked out without a warning.
  • Google will share its money with you if you stick to your share of errands. Sure, Google shares its money – until you do something wrong. Your AdSense account will get disabled if you do something really dirty with your ads (such as click on them, God forbid).
  • Google likes to be spoiled – and you get rewarded if you give it what it wants. If you use Google+1 buttons on your blog, Google gives you a kiss. If you make sure your HTML code is clean and easy to crawl, it gives you a big, warm hug and increases your PageRank. It can be very selfish, but it gives back if you give in to its whims.
  • After a certain point, Google will have you investigated. Just like a jealous girlfriend or a paranoid husband, it starts snooping around and finding out what nasty things you’ve been doing.

See? Using Google is just like being in a relationship! Do things right and you will live happily ever after. Do something wrong and Google breaks it off – and it will have no second thoughts running away with your AdSense earnings. (By the way, it’s Akira Oshizawa’s 101st birthday today, which is why the Google logo now looks like an origami! Check it out!)

Stef dela CruzAbout the blogger
Stef dela Cruz is a doctor and writer. She received the 2013 Award for Health Media from the Department of Health. She maintains a health column in Health.Care Magazine and contributes to The Manila Bulletin. Add her to your circles.

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