Why We Hurt The Ones We Love

Saturday, November 26, 2011 Stef dela Cruz 0 Comments

Why do we hurt the ones we love? Yes, I know, it’s the title of an old song. But it’s more than just a rhetorical question. It really begs to be answered.

Being a doctor has its pros and cons. It means you just might know more than the average Joe or Jane when it comes to the pathology of pain. Being a physician means you know about Freud and Erikson. It means you know that when a person has a behavioral problem, it may just boil down to how he or she was brought up. Sadly, when it comes to a dysfunctional individual, you can point most fingers towards the family.

Dr. Stef dela Cruz

After all, it is the family that first establishes what’s right or wrong. The family provides love and support, or it fails miserably and sets a person up for failure later in his life. Most sociopaths and psychopaths always have a problematic early childhood, where one or both parents are to blame to a certain extent.

It then frustrates me to no end when I see supposedly-normal families who do not love each other. It angers me when I see parents who shun their children, who make their children feel unwanted. It surprises me, even at my age, when brothers and sisters spit out harsh words for no reason. I guess it’s true what they say: Bullies ARE made at home.

The sad thing is, these people are probably not aware that they are hurting their loved ones. And if they are, then shame on them. Of course, we do hurt our loved ones at one point or another – but usually, we never really mean to. But it’s another story if it happens everyday, if you simply show your child, sister, or brother that you hate him or her for no apparent reason.

My family is far from perfect. But I can at least say this: never have I ever felt that I was the less-favored child. I feel very much loved. Going home can be stressful – that’s the thing with big families, with so many people making too much noise. But going home is also always a thing I always look forward to. And the noise? Well, it grew on me. And a few months away from home, I start realizing it’s actually music to my ears.

If you have a family that seldom shows you that you are appreciated and loved, you are not alone. Let it be a lesson that in the future, when you finally have your own family, you should make every effort to show your loved ones that they are indeed loved.

Why do we hurt the ones we love? Beats me. But if you really love the people around you, try to keep your fangs and horns from growing too long. On a more personal note, let this be a wake-up call to everyone who mistreats their family, who speaks harsh words towards their parents and siblings. And if you so much as keep doing that to the people who are dear to me, you will get more than an angry blog post from yours truly. Devil

Stef dela CruzAbout the blogger
Stef dela Cruz is a doctor and writer. She received the 2013 Award for Health Media from the Department of Health. She maintains a health column in Health.Care Magazine and contributes to The Manila Bulletin. Add her to your circles.