Because I’m Emotional Tonight

I want a cigarette.

 

It has been ten years since I last craved for a cigarette. Maybe today reminds me of days in the past, making me crave for something which I actually hate now. Cigarettes. The idea of smelling one – ugh.

 

Which is why I don’t understand why I want to light one again after all these years.

 

A tarot card reader told me last night that there will be major changes in my life that might make me lose my mind. I took that with a grain of salt, but I personally thought it was funny. I am not the kind of person who would go insane.

 

(That’s because I’m already insane, in a sane way.)

 

But yes, I can feel it. That thing Atlas feels when he carries the world on his shoulders. That thing that makes you say, I’ve had it, may I please shrug now? To hell with the world if it rolls down my shoulders and falls apart.

 

I am at a crossroads. I am not ready. I think I want out.