And out of trash comes something I can blog about. Here are two excerpts from stuff that I wrote years ago. I found them on pieces of paper, stashed away, not knowing what to do with them.
This is the first thing I salvaged, a short narrative that I can barely remember. I don’t know why, but there’s something sweetly juvenile about it:
We talked about that night. He was teasing me about John, about how I kept staring at him. He said it was funny how he was staring at me, then I was staring at John. Back then, he didn’t know how to get my attention, how he could ask to carry my stuff for me without looking like an idiot.
It was funny, our little chat. But you had to be there. Actually, even if you were there, you wouldn’t laugh because it wasn’t supposed to be funny haha; he was just telling me how it all happened from his point of view.
Then he laughed, saying it was weird, because he kinda found the whole thing funny.
So. This is how it feels to wake up in the morning and the first person you see is the one person you have learned to like so much.
And then, absolute panic. Suddenly, I realized I’ve been with this person for two straight days and it felt… overwhelming. All rational thought went out the window and I started to panic. All of a sudden, I wanted to just leave. It wouldn’t have mattered that all my stuff was still there, that I’d be gone without a trace and without any explanation.
But I didn’t leave. I stayed. I probably tore out half the hair on my scalp, but I stayed.
Escape. I think that is essentially what my unconscious mind believes is my most urgent need. I have to learn to curb it or I just might keep running for the rest of my life. I am at a turning point, but I don’t know how to signal and make the goddamned turn, for crying out loud.
God, give me the wisdom to know what’s right, and the strength to act upon it. Keep me from running away when later, I shall be participating in this weird ritual called “getting to know each other even more.” May the Force be with me. Amen.
I hope God is listening with His hearing aid on.
How about you, do you like writing stuff and then you just stow them away and totally forget about them? Have you found anything in your stash, any diamonds in the rough? Do share them and I would love to read them.