Caught Red-Handed

Sunday, December 12, 2010 Stef dela Cruz 0 Comments

“There’s this story I wanna tell you,” he said.

I propped the phone on my shoulder as I folded my shirts (I have way too many of them). I sensed a long conversation based on the can-barely-contain-myself tone of his voice. I poured myself a glass of water. “Mm, tell me,” I said.

“I was hanging out with my friend one day and I left him in my room. When I came back, I didn’t knock.” He paused. “Would you knock at the door of your own room?”

“Um, no.”

“Me neither. Anyway, there’s me, not knocking. I opened the door and I saw my friend masturbating.”

I dropped my glass. Water all over my clothes, and it’s seeping into the bed as well. Crap, crap! But focus on the guy who was caught with his pants down… “Damn. Are you serious?!”

caught red-handed“And he looked funny, too, like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But his hand was, of course, somewhere else –”

True story. Friends tell each other everything. Every little detail. Every guy caught with his pants down becomes the star of a confidential story, the unavoidable topic that just must be discussed. Such is the wonderful liberty of friendship: you can break all sacred vows of silence and know that it’s okay to be a gossip.

Yes, friends talk. And when they do, they spare no details. They will talk about the guy in the coffee shop who looks cute but sounds a lot like Elmer Fudge. They will talk about the person they just smooched with a few hours ago. They will talk about you.

Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

Oh, by the way: In case you yourself do get caught masturbating, click here to look at several things you can say to get yourself out of trouble.

Stef dela CruzAbout the blogger
Stef dela Cruz is a doctor and writer. She received the 2013 Award for Health Media from the Department of Health. She maintains a health column in Health.Care Magazine and contributes to The Manila Bulletin. Add her to your circles.