Why I Shun Attention

“Only the brave dare to be vulnerable.”

Do I dare contest that? No. I cannot lie through my teeth. I know the truth when it stares me in the face, when its breath mingles with my own.

“Denial is for the weak.”

Yes, I know. Have I ever denied anything which I know is true? My only weakness is that people read me easily, like a book meant for dummies.

Oh, flashback after flashback after flashback. Did it hit me that I was reverting to an older, more mind-playing me when I saw everything starting to fall apart? I remember the exact moment when I caught myself about to pretend.

I must remind myself never to act. I do not want people to see me peel my layers like a dried-up onion.

“I get stage fright,” I would tell people. It’s the simplest way to explain why I stay out of the limelight. BIG FAT LIE. I have always loved the attention and the fact that the stage was like my playground.

But I don’t want to be that person anymore. I keep myself invisible, unnoticed. Stef, be a wall flower. Are you getting goosebumps just thinking of it? Stef, stop. 

Learning to bask in the privacy of my mind gives me a higher high. The stage has lost its power over me. I am free!

Exit, stage left.