Spite

Saturday, November 20, 2010 Stef dela Cruz 0 Comments

Those little quirks. I understand them. The sentences repeated over and over for emphasis, as if I’m stupid. DUH. I’m just acting like I don’t get it because I want you to stop talking.

And then there’s that change in voice. It gets louder when a point is being made, like a punchline being repeated over and over as someone says, “You get it? You get it???”

Again, duh. I know a lot more than I lead on. Is it not obvious that I do? Ah, then I’m not the stupid one. I should be the one repeating sentences and changing the tone of my voice.

It’s like reading a book. Too easy. Neanderthals are so much easier to fathom. Give me a challenge at least.

Sorry. I’m being too mean. It must be all the writing. I’m writing a book where I need to be heartless, to be someone I no longer am. I have gotten so deep into it that I’m starting to forget who I am. The lines, they blur.

I am not mean, but I do know those quirks and I resent them. I am not stupid. If only the mind can dig deeper.

Yet… Yet… There is that thing. That saving grace. The effort is not entirely crap. I know it for what it’s worth. Still, I look on and feel like some spare parts are missing. There’s something not entirely right here, my mind tells me over and over.

But I swear. The next time I hear redundant sentences, I will turn around and never look back. “You get it? You get it???” Oh, puh-lease. I got it even before you said it.

spite

Stef dela CruzAbout the blogger
Stef dela Cruz is a doctor and writer. She received the 2013 Award for Health Media from the Department of Health. She maintains a health column in Health.Care Magazine and contributes to The Manila Bulletin. Add her to your circles.

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