I am not much of a story teller. I don’t have a way with words. I stumble from one sentence to another, mumbling most of the time, half wondering how to speak my mind. But yes, I do have a story to tell.
Unfortunately, it’s not one of those fairy tale stories with a happy ending. My story is bleak, with some happy stuttering moments at the most. But the ending is definitely not happy – nope, far from it. Maybe that’s why it took me some time before I finally decided to tell it.
You see, I’m dying. And it’s not even going to be some dramatic death where the ones I hold dear get to say their goodbyes before I breathe my last breath. No, it’s nothing like that; it’s actually going to be a lackluster “expected surprise.” The doctor sat me down last week and told me in not so many words, “You are on borrowed time. Sooner or later, your heart will stop beating, and that will be it.” And one day, someone in my building will find me face down on the floor with my hair in my own vomit.
See? What an anti-climactic way to go. How so not Princess Di. I wish I could just die trying to save someone from a burning building. Wow, that would be great, with my picture on the 7 o’clock news and on the front page of the morning paper. But noooo, I have to die like a music box that someone forgot to wind.
And where death exists, so does gossip. “Maybe someone wanted her dead. She looks like she has enemies.” “I heard she’s always coming home late at night. She’s probably one of them druggies. Good riddance.” “The goddamned cleaning lady said she’s always alone. Maybe she committed goddamned suicide because she’s so goddamned miserable?” Ah, yes, juicy gossip. Life – and death – wouldn’t be complete without it.
Not that I won’t get to enjoy my life… or my death. Yes, in case you’re still wondering, I actually die in this godforsaken story. But that’s not the gloomy, forlorn ending I was referring to in the beginning.
Maybe now you’re wondering, what ending is worse than death?
Well, I can answer that with a name: Jeremy.
And no, this is not a love story. Or haven’t you been paying attention?